I wanted to discuss with you some insight into the phrase or phrasing “that’s just the way I am” and why this is detrimental and hurting those individuals that are use it.
If you are someone who uses this frequently, I want to help you understand what you are doing to yourself.
So, let’s start with some context behind this particular phrasing. It typically is heard at an impasse to bring about an action or behaviour change. Your friends, family or colleagues may request or suggest something of us and we respond that we simply don’t work that way.
If you are very direct and hurt someone in your speech, it is because that’s just how we are.
I was, and still am in someways a guilty party of this. In previous experiences, when I try to offer advice I tend to be very direct and cut through straight to the solution without any consideration for empathy…
“Oh your partner cheated on you, well then just break-up with them – it’s that obvious”
When I proceed in the manner and end up causing more pain, I usually justified it with the former.
“I’m very direct, that’s just the way I am”
The issue arises when we start to justify behaviours that are not resourceful to us. I am a direct individual, but I’m also a coach, a mentor and there are some circumstances which require more empathy from me and a human touch.
I cannot begin to provide my clients with resourceful advice if i cannot ascertain their needs, which is predicated on their feelings. Here is an example of where a direct approach isn’t serving me.
By saying “that’s just the way I am”, you have adopted a deterministic view of the world, which means you are reactive rather than proactive.
It means you have no free will or choice.
If I continued down this vein of continuing to believe this is the only way i communicate, I would never of have learned how to have a heart to heart conversation; this is an essential skill for a health practitioner or anyone that wants to have lasting friendships.
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Short and simply, human beings are very plastic, very malleable. People change, they don’t stay the same, unless they choose too.
If you are constantly in misery because of your ‘personality’ that’s your fault and perhaps you have fallen very deeply into the reason why I’m talking about this particular content.
This reason is that the things we continue to say or perpetuate always have a self-fulfilling prophecy. What I mean by that is if you continue to say something enough it becomes unconscious and when is becomes unconscious you have surrendered your attention to it. That’s being unconscious by definition.
You keep reinforcing these poor character traits enough times then you will lose all hope from unlearning it.
I wanted to connect with people, show empathy and humanity on a deeper level. So I stopped saying things I don’t believe in. I can be blunt, but I can choose when I use that particular trait.
I don’t use my words as a crutch to lean on when I don’t want to take responsibility.
Even look at that word.
Responsibility – RESPONSE ABILITY.
Take more ability in your responses, be proactive instead of reactive.
Choose choice not fate.
Your life is still yours to live, right?
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Grateful for your presence,
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