The Root of ALL YOUR Misery

It’s my intention to share with you the origins of our own misery and how we can effectively treat this type of behaviour.

You see, I, like you feel the emotional distress of when things are not going my way. It is my hope that by sharing my experiences you can find some kind of resonance, which can be of value to you.

Becoming aware of the initial triggers was the crucial first step I had to exercise in order to move towards my resolve. Misery for me is largely predicated on my feelings of resentment and bitterness. I’ll give you an example:

When you see someone you know becoming successful, or worse, when you see someone you know becoming successful in an area you consider yourself to be knowledgable or specialise in.

Now that is a bitter pill to swallow.

Thoughts start to assault us from every single direction, here’s a few typical ones that revisit me when I scroll through these personal instagram trainer pages:

“But he’s not as good as me?”, “I wouldn’t have taught it that way”, “that’s not going to help”, “he could really hurt someone!”

Some of this might run parallel with your inner critic.

Common Themes

For myself, and perhaps others the common theme here is I – our judgement, our beliefs and our values.

I is simply our ego, our identity as an individual.

You see when we look out unto the world through the perspective of the character we have created over time, we begin to identify common characteristics that do not conform to our character “values”.

When people do things that we would never replicate or attempt because it is not aligned with the person we have become, we create distance; and close ourselves off from the behaviours others are showing.

If we are a self proclaimed introvert and we view someone taking bold extroverted actions, this manifests in us as dissonance, which may present itself in a number of ways. For myself, bitterness and resentment.

When we find the will to look into our own misery, we will find the source is merely a reflection of that piece of us that is currently missing.

My bitterness was a result of my envy, envy that my ego, the character I had come to know was struggling and in conflict against the idea that I could potentially become something different, something more.

And this is indicative of a characteristic that I am needing to move forward.

Looking at these instagram personal trainers who put themselves transparent and bare chested (literally) out there, for the world to see made me feel angry and sad because I knew then I could never do it, for the character I had created viewed these individuals as seekers for validation, not courage and purpose.

However I grew jealous of their confidence and willingness to be seen.

Destroy Your EGO

Misery exists when your ego is stronger than your will to act in a way which is not congruent with who you are. We become slaves to our own rules of what we use to describe ourselves.

I used to describe myself as introverted, quiet, narcissistic and self indulgent. If I continued to believe this description, that is all I would every surmount too.

I would have capped and imprisoned myself to an identity that was no longer serving me, with my own ego guarding my cell.

The only option is mutiny, a rebellion against the version of yourself that is no longer resourceful for your goals and ultimately our happiness.

We must destroy our ego, or at least humble it.

We humble ourselves by exercising openness.

For myself, I surrendered the belief I was a quiet expert in exercise, nutrition and personal training and that I had nothing to learn from these instagram trainers.

I started to change the lenses in which I viewed these individuals, from seekers of validation and ego to educators, teachers and my mentors, who could show me the way to have a presence on social media. So I too, could share valuable information.

The biggest mistake we can make is thinking we know more than the next person, and that this should not permit openness to learn and change ourselves when we are miserable.

Surrender your ego.

If you liked this I invite you to subscribe to my mailing list for a FREE habit tracker.

Grateful for your presence,


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Clinical Exercise Scientist

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Ben Peters

For all the physical challenges of life on earth (for humans), the psychological tend to be the most devastating


Great blog post! I couldn’t agree more. The problem, for me, arises in trying to figure out which path forward to take. Surrendering your ego still means you have to be smart about who and what you allow into your sphere of influence. It’s one thing to be open to others and their ideas, but another to let them close if they are somehow toxic or negatively affect you. So how do you differentiate when something is toxic or if you are just blocking it because of your ego? Any ideas?

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