Do you ever find it difficult to find out what the other person is thinking?
I hate that feeling of uncertainty; that feeling of not knowing where you stand in relation to another thoughts, it can drive you crazy.
Whilst I cannot offer you some kind of mind reading or hypnotic device, I will share with you an easy but VERY effective communication technique that will prompt your partner, family or friends to use whenever you feel this uncertainty.
Expressing Your Needs
When conversing with another, it is very important that we communicate our needs instead of the use of evaluations or interpretations. As a culture, we have brought much confusion in translating our needs by wrapping and disguising them as something else – partially criticism or blame as a result of the others actions.
Take the following examples below:
“It really pisses me off when text at the dinner table”
“It’s really selfish of you when you bring your phone to the dinner table”
The problem with these two statements is that they are dressed in evaluations and don’t convey the need of the individual within the discussion. The first conveys some kind of feeling, but not very accurately. The second is a judgement call.
In order to really communicate in a way that is going to bring about a resolution, it is far more productive and powerful to convey feelings and our needs.
Have a look at the following framing of the same conservation:
“When you bring your phone and text at the dinner table I feel irritated and lonely”
“When I cook for you and we eat together, I need appreciation and respect.”
When we frame difficult conversation through feelings and needs, we talk the global language of human beings and we are far more likely to be understood; this can be implemented in all forms of conflict resolution.
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Grateful for your presence,